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22 August 1780 from Delia
"Your
letter of Tuesday that I have received on Sunday the 20th
breaks my heart, and increases my despair! With the grief of a
desolate child, I have kissed the marks of your tears. I have
cried the most bitter tears I have ever shed. My soul is
oppressed and drowning in a pool of sufferings. No, never, I
feel that I have never truly loved until the moment, alas so
dear and at the same time so fatal to my peacefulness, that fate
first placed you before my eyes. That moment has determined the
rest of my life.
Yes, my dear and adorable friend, on you alone depends my
destiny; only through you will I be happy or unhappy. Pardon me
for my honesty, oh my dear Jones, and be absolutely convinced
that I adore, esteem and even worship you, and that I believe
that you are incapable of an ignoble action, otherwise I would
never have confessed to you so freely the power that you have
over every faculty of my being. I adore you; I avow it and
swear again that no mortal has ever had, nor will ever have, the
power to make me speak this way. Here, my dear and only friend,
is my profession of faith: I am yours for the rest of my life.
Do not worry for now, console yourself and let us hope that the
benevolent heavens will reunite and look after beings who truly
love one another, and whose faithful hearts deserve to be
happy.
Take care of your precious life and remember that mine is tied
to yours. I will endlessly send prayers to the heavens for your
safe arrival in America. If you are satisfied with that
country, you will continue your services; otherwise, you must
leave it and rejoin your faithful mistress. The entire world
could be against you, her heart would remain yours forever. I
promise you that, and I will swear to it by that sacred flame
which will never be extinguished.
You ask me how you can make me happy. Take care of yourself,
love me and look for means that will let us spend days together,
and never forget, never lose sight of the fact that my life is
bound up in yours, and that all my torments will be over the
instant that I lose you. Your health is dear to me; thousand
times dearer than my own; if you love me, do take care of it. I
have received your letter of the 16th; your health
alarms me. In the name of all that is sacred, take of all that I
love.
... my heart belongs to you, and nothing alive will ever be able
to change that. I adore you for yourself, and that is the way
you ought to be loved; if I was capable of thinking otherwise, I
would prevent you from leaving and risking such a precious
life. The very thought of your danger brings back all the
weakness of my sex, and makes me confess that my terrible
anxiety for the object if all my desires could, no doubt, kill
me. Nothing can equal my terrors and my fears for the one I
love. Farewell dear Jones, I must leave you now, I cannot go
on. The Chevalier sends you his regards and his best wishes.
He will leave tomorrow evening. Alas, he is happier than his
unfortunate sister, he is going to see you. God! how willingly
she would be the lowliest of your crew!”
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